NO LIMITS. This is the premise of having a blog as a personal platform. However, it is strange that such an outlet that supposedly allows the freedom to express, the liberty to be you can be ironically restraining.
On the other hand, a blog can be your tool for upward mobility. It has become a haven for individuals who feel like they don't fit in anywhere else except their own online spaces. Here is where amazing talents are unearthed, the unemployed are hired and a new breed of personalities are discovered. At some point, people have used blogs as a business enterprise. I must admit, I've taken advantage of blogging by asking for monetary compensation in return for favors being asked of me.
One day I woke up, feeling that this blog as a brand has narrowed my way of blogging. Because the approval of others mean so much to me, I get upset when my own sense of realism would be interpreted as negativity. Some of my personal statements of how pictures have gotten bigger while write-ups got shorter was taken as an insult which was totally not in any way the intention, only to advocate a more organic way of blogging.
Exhausted with too much thought, I went on a blogging break (a long one) to be able to sort myself out, to deconstruct the good and the bad things about me and to truly pray for myself. Believe it or not, I made this entry as early as March 3, but I couldn't finish the second half of it, unsure of the direction I want this entry to go.
After reading Paul Jatayna's entry, it felt comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling the same personal dissonance.
In these few excerpts from Paul's entry, I saw myself. Even though I know in myself that I've tried my best to be true to my readers, I couldn't deny that every word Paul uttered pierced me because for some time, I've been like this too.
In line with this movement towards authenticity, I'm throwing image and personal branding out of the window - today. With this entry, I want you to know that there are negative things about me, things that make me human. I now have come to the terms that I wanted people to read me not because of the happy posts, not because of the outfits and material things I blog and certainly not because they only admire the good side of me that I allow them to see.
In some instances in my life, I have participated in bashing and negative conversations about other people. I'd like to believe I'm not as mean as the others can be but the point is not if I do it less, but the fact that I did it. Even if a lot of other people gossip too, it doesn't make it in any way okay. Moreover, there's no excuse for it and I told myself this is something I'll never engage in ever.
I haven't been a very good daughter as well. Because I've achieved a lot in school a few years back, I've been overconfident that I know what's good for me. There were moments when I've taken my parents for granted, deliberately disobeyed them, and even answered back when they disapprove with my life decisions. I was blind enough to see that even if I end up taking care of them during their old age, it will never be enough for everything they've given and sacrificed for me to be this person today.
As I live my life, I have done some actions and have spoken some words that I am not very proud of because it has hurt other people and it made me think what a terrible person I've been.
There are still quite a few things that I need to work on myself. Everyday is an effort to change for the better, to keep myself grounded and righteous. The lenten season has been a helpful time to think and I've finally come to face the truth. Starting today, I am not a blogger but just a person writing my heart out. Someone who is actually like you, someone three-dimensional.
Writing this made me realize that false affirmation isn't important. No amount of comments telling me I have a good style, no number of event invitations, blog collaborations, number of followers and other flattering remarks will measure the true sense of acceptance.
When you are willing to understand this revelation and look past the imperfections and weaknesses is the most genuine form of acceptance. Of all the entries, pictures and reviews you've been reading, if you look really closely, there's that sense of vacancy. At the end of the day, you don't really know most of who you are following, liking, fanning, hyping or reading. My personal flaws only show that I am nothing but human - someone who makes mistakes too, someone who has experienced giving in to temptations, someone who has a negative side just like you, basically just like everyone else.
I'm on board with Paul J., to keep things real. And now that I've gotten these things out, I'm not going to hold back on expressing myself because this blog is never just about style but most importantly about my soul. :)
|P.S. Glad to be back! BTW, giveaway winners will be announced on tumblr / facebook!|