Film producing is far more complicated, more cerebral and more consuming.
Currently, I'm working on (under the producing unit) our Cinema One 2013 entry, Shift by Siege Ledesma. According to our timeline, we'll start principal photography by August, to give enough time for post production and marketing before the festival this November (we've been working since June as you can see).
Just when I thought I knew what I was getting into, reality slaps me on the face – it's a totally different ballgame. This isn't my cup of tea and I was thrown way off my comfort zone. I realized I know nothing (but I've been learning).
All of this was a mere leap of faith.
Faith works like a miracle for all of us. The more we believe in ourselves, the more we empower ourselves to conquer all obstacles, transcend all limitations and overlook all boundaries. Wise men have said that the word 'impossible' itself spells, 'I'm possible'. The courage to march ahead towards our goals shows how deep our faith is in the kind of person that we are (and the kind that we can become).
This recent pursuit of mine involves many difficult tasks that may greatly affect the success (or failure) of Shift. There is this expectation for me to perform, deliver and accomplish.
I know that you're aware how this feels. At different instances in your lives, you also experienced that pressure to achieve – whether it's acing an exam, topping the class, perfecting a school play performance, reaching a certain quota for work, targeting a business profit, getting a job promotion, beating a deadline and so on and so forth.
Succeeding is never (and will never be) easy. To emerge victorious in each of our chosen endeavors, we need to put in a lot of hard work, extra perseverance, unwavering patience and concentration on our objectives. Add to that triple Ds: determination, devotion and dedication. Expect obstacles, stress and setbacks (even failures) as part of the journey; for sure we'll encounter them. What matters most is that we never get discouraged, we struggle to fight back (a fight that's worth it) and we evaluate ourselves and do what's necessary.
I've been thinking about taking my chances on being a film producer for quite a while now. I'm just happy that once and for all, I went for it. It's a small step but this is where I start. If you have been reading this blog in its early years, you probably know that I once worked with the legendary director Mario O'Hara as the wardrobe stylist of Paglilitis ni Andres Bonifacio, a Cinemalaya 2010 Director's Showcase entry. Dealing with his reputation of greatness was overwhelming. I deeply admired his works, his intelligence and his humility above all. Call me one of the ultimate fan girls, yes. Upon knowing that he has stored a number of scripts in his shelf, I started daydreaming of being able to produce his films someday.
In order for me to do that, I started my "career" (if you call it that) in indie filmmaking as a production manager. I liked being in control, coordinating with the departments and working on operations and logistics – the tasks that I'd like to think I'm good at. This job is supposedly my stepping stone to eventually becoming the film producer that I've always wanted.
However, I keep on getting offers to do styling jobs that initially, I didn't really feel like doing. I became a stylist by circumstance and not by choice (plus, I lost myself in the fashion blogging scene for some time). Yes, I am who I choose to be. But during those times when I needed income (ah, the life of a freelancer!), I had to grab the job that was readily available which was fashion/commercial/wardrobe styling.
And so, I continue to juggle a stable styling job with some film and video production management work. It has worked well for me so far but I just needed to take control of what else I wanted to be. I do not see myself styling forever and the longer I do it, the more I'm being stereotyped as nothing more than a stylist (when I'm just so much more, I know it). And although I'm grateful that I got the job most girls (and boys) dream about, for me, it will always be a hobby that luckily earns me money.
Reality is, oftentimes, life makes you choose. It's tough when we can only pick one (as they say, we can't have everything). As part of growing up, there comes a time in our lives when we have to be clear and decisive on our priorities; knowing which comes first, second, and last. Is it family, career, ourselves or love? There's no right or wrong - just personal choices that we make which will determine our life today and several years from now.